Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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