I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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