I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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