I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
