She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
