its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
