Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
