You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
