My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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