I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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