Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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