That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
