im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
be right there i have to get my cape
They have beer where we have blood.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
