I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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