I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
