EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
