Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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