you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
