why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
