Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
