When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
