you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
