I wish I could punch you in the face.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
