Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
