I hate your face
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
