Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
