I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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