Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Enjoy the penises
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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