you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
