drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
