Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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