as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
