went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
