he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
