If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
