You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
