I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
