she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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