Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
