i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
