his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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