I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
