I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
