Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want to make out with him forever
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
