If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
