and you said cock pushups were impossible
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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