White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
