an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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