somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You smell like stripper and shame
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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