You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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