Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
