the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
