I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
sex in a hospital.. check
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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