how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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