Sry I called you an 8
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
